This article was originally published on GriefLossHope.com, a website dedicated to sharing stories of grief and loss and giving hope and encouragement to help others who are going through similar situations.
Having a chronic illness can impact your life in countless ways. The life you knew before your illness may seem like a distant memory, especially when you’re dealing with many symptoms and concerns.
You could be in constant pain and unable to get a good night’s sleep. You might have to quit your job and suffer financial problems.
Your appearance may change. Or you may look the same, making it even harder to explain your illness to the outside world. Your interpersonal relationships can change, when suddenly your spouse or loved one takes on the roll of caregiver.
All of these changes can cause stress and strong feelings of anxiety, fear and anger. Many people feel a lack of control and uncertainty about the future.
According to the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics a chronic disease lasts more than 3 months, cannot be prevented by a vaccine or cured by medicine, and does not disappear.
I have learned first hand what it’s like to have a chronic illness, beginning in the spring of 2012.
My Journey From Health To Chronic Illness
Before the illness I was healthy and active, a wife to my wonderful husband, mom to four amazing kids, teaching Special Education full-time at a local public school.
But, then I was bit by 2 tiny ticks and everything changed.
I initially became so sick with a mind-numbing headache and crippling nausea that I was in bed several days trying to recover. I was so weak I could barely walk. My coloring was pale and ashen. It felt like the worst case of the flu I’d ever experienced. I was so out of it that I don’t remember much from those few days.
When I had recovered enough to go to the doctor I asked him about Lyme disease. At this time I didn’t know much about it, other than it was a tick-borne illness.
The doctor asked if I’d traveled to the northeastern United States, but the furthest I’d been that direction was North Carolina. He then told me, “You can’t get Lyme disease in Missouri”. He said I had “tick fever”.
Tests were not ordered. Prescriptions were not written.
The doctor told me it would take time, but I would feel better eventually.
But in the months between the tick bites and my eventual Lyme disease diagnosis (18 months later) I felt like I had the flu nearly every day.
As a teacher, I was around children all day. Inevitably, I came into contact with many germs on a daily basis. I was exposed to many illnesses over the years due to having four children of our own. And I never remember being sick much. In fact, my resistance to illness had always been strong.
So I initially thought perhaps I was getting sick a lot due to exposure to all the germs I came into contact with . I usually just pushed through my illness knowing my family and students were depending on me. I figured I’d improve with time.
But, as the weeks and months passed, I began to experience other concerning symptoms I couldn’t ignore. An unrelenting pain began coursing throughout my entire body. The pain was so strong and constant I couldn’t sleep.
I felt exhausted all the time, had trouble breathing, and experienced frequent, intense migraines.
Lethargy and extreme weakness became the norm.
I developed a heart murmur and had frequent heart palpitations, even while lying in bed.
Memory Problems And More
And I started forgetting things and stumbling for the words I wanted to say. The brain fog was so great at times it was starting to worry me.
I was driving one morning and came upon a traffic light feeling confused. As I sat at the intersection a few seconds, I struggled to remember whether the green or red light meant to stop or go. The driver behind me showed frustration with my indecision. He started honking for me to go.
Also, I recall getting lost a few times when I was driving. And I started calling our children by the wrong names.
I wondered if I was getting Alzheimer’s.
During the 18 months leading up to my diagnosis I went to multiple doctors, including several specialists. They gave me a variety of tests and innumerable blood work all in an effort to figure out what was wrong with me.
I was placed in a Holter monitor for 36 hours to test for heart problems.
My doctor ordered months of Physical Therapy due to muscle weakness and wasting. I had lost 20 pounds in a short time for no apparent reason.
My doctor and Physical Therapist expressed concerns about Multiple Sclerosis. Thankfully, I was tested and MS was ruled out.
Searching For Answers
I was diagnosed eventually with multiple chronic and autoimmune conditions including:
- Sjogren’s syndrome
- Myofascial pain syndrome
- Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
- Mixed Connective Tissue Disease
- Tularemia (another tick-borne illness)
I had multiple allergic reactions to a variety of foods, ran a fever nearly every day and would get hives and strange rashes on my face, neck and torso (where the tick bites occurred).
I developed mild dyslexia for a time and had difficulty reading numbers. As an avid reader I becamei frustrated when reading text.
Around the same time I started having twitching and tremors in my hands, arms, legs and abdomen.
I recall one time when I had been bedridden for several days, running a high fever and missing several days of work.
I could barely walk anymore without extreme effort and felt as though I was dying.
And I didn’t understand why all of this was happening. I had always been so healthy before the tick bites.
I wanted to learn the root cause of my illness. But each time I went to the doctor, it seemed like they only wanted to treat my myriad of symptoms. It was incredibly frustrating.
But I knew everything had to be related to the tick bites. And I persisted in sharing this with my doctors until they listened and gave me the recommended tests.
Psychological Stages Of Chronic Pain And Illness
According to Jennifer Martin, PsyD, there are Seven Psychological Stages of Chronic Pain and Illness:
- Pleading, Bargaining and Desperation
- Anxiety and Depression
- Loss of Self and Confusion
- Re-evaluation of Life, Roles and Goals
I found myself going through these stages, sometimes between two or three at a time.
At this point I started losing hope in ever finding out what was wrong with me. And I began questioning God.
I asked Him, “God, if you truly love me then why is this happening to me and my family?” I felt confused, angry and forgotten.
I’m humbled to admit I reached this low point in my life journey. I never would have predicted that I’d one day question the very existence of the God I’d believed in and loved as long as I could remember.
Nevertheless, it’s part of my story, and I want to be real.
Facing my health crisis tested my limits. And I was confronted with my mortality.
I now believe that God was testing my faith throughout my illness. Sometimes I kept my eyes on Him, and sometimes I was stubborn and went my own way.
Isn’t it amazing how we can learn so much from the past, but when we’re living in the moment it isn’t always that clear? (At least this has been my experience)
He Was With Me All Along
Lately God has shown me how He was there for me, even when I was living through the most painful days.
I see now how He has been with me every step of the way, when I was crying out to Him for help and healing — and even when it seemed like God was being silent.
As God reveals Himself to me I see now that part of my story is a renewed faith in Him and hope for His plans for my future.
I love, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them (or what you’re going through), for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you (emphasis mine)” (Deuteronomy 31:6).
I’m thankful He promised “He will never leave you nor forsake you”. I love what Jon Bloom says about our human perceptions:
And when we feel forsaken by God we are not forsaken (Hebrews 13:5). We are simply called to trust the promise more than the perception.
In the midst of the trials, and despite His faithfulness to me and our family, I still felt alone much of the time. I learned this is common for people confronting chronic pain or illness.
I believe God was and is saying to me , “Take up your cross and follow me…(no matter what) (emphasis mine)” (Matthew 16:24).
I may be a slow learner, but I’m so thankful for His grace and patience with me through it all. And I’m looking forward to what He’s going to do in the coming years. He continues to bring beauty from ashes.
My illness has taught me to take time to slow down (although this is still a challenge). I’m learning to refocus my priorities. For me, this includes prayer and having real, meaningful conversations with the people I love.
I hope you will learn from my mistakes and be encouraged in whatever challenges you experience in life.
Tips For Coping With Chronic Illness
1. Educate Yourself
Read, study and learn as much as you can about your condition or disease. While doctors are highly trained professionals, please conduct your own research before believing everything you hear.
I’m pleased with the team of doctors currently managing my medical care and treatment. If you aren’t happy with the level of care you receive consider getting a second opinion or switching doctors.
Before I have an appointment I make a list of questions to ask the doctor. This helps me be more efficient, prioritizing my essential questions first to make sure they’re addressed.
Do you own research, reading as much information as you can about your illness. Try to find knowledgeable people to talk to about your specific condition.
2. Express Gratitude
Say “thank you” to your loved ones, friends, and family. Being chronically ill isn’t easy for them either, especially if they are taking on more responsibility.
My dear husband has helped take our children to multiple practices and events. This is in addition to his full-time job as a High School Principal. It is difficult for him to see me sick. But he cares for me throughout my most difficult days. I’m forever grateful to him for his love and support.
In addition to expressing gratitude to others, I recommend keeping a Gratitude Journal. I try to jot down one or two things I’m thankful for.
Sometimes I’ll write down a favorite verse, Motivational Quote or Power Phrase. I can come back later and read what I’ve written for encouragement and reflection.
3. Do Not Let Your Illness Define You
You can take charge and manage your disease instead of letting it define you. In the midst of chronic illness, do not lose your identity.
Face your fears. Take one day at a time. Don’t give into the temptation to have a pity party. Instead, reframe your negative thoughts.
Think of a way to help someone else, even if you are bedridden. Maybe you could text or call an old friend or loved one who is facing their own crisis. Strive to be an encouragement to others.
Keep moving forward.
4. Give Yourself Grace
A wise friend gave me this advice when I was in the throes of my Lyme battle. I was trying to keep up with my duties as a wife, mom, daughter and friend. But it was not possible for me to maintain the level of busyness I’d been accustomed to my entire life.
I had to learn to give myself grace. When feelings of guilt would creep in (because I was not able to do many of the things I did when I was healthy) I had to remind myself of this. I had to find a new normal.
Releasing myself from the pressure of being a do-it-all wife and mom allowed me to focus on what was really important.
5. Make Healthy Choices
Follow a healthy diet. Eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables. Avoid processed foods. If necessary, lose weight. (18 Ways To Lose Weight Faster can help you get started.)
Get fresh air and soak up the sun to increase vitamin D production. Exercise, if possible, to keep your body strong and flexible.
Consider using essential oils as a natural treatment for pain and insomnia. Learn how coconut oil, apple cider vinegar and other natural ingredients can help improve your health.
Look into intermittent fasting and find out if it might help you with symptoms.
6. Be An Advocate For Your Health
This is one of the most essential things I’ve learned. When I was going through the most serious, painful time of my illness no one could tell me what was going on.
The doctors and specialists gave me multiple prescriptions (many of which I never took due to all the side effects). One doctor suggested watching a video about walking. They told me to get a massage, get more rest, eat a gluten-free diet etc.
While they meant well, their suggestions didn’t address the root cause of my illness.
Thankfully, (albeit 18 months later) I tested positive for Lyme disease and other tick-borne illness co-infections.
This was a turning point in my illness.
We were relieved to have an explanation why my body was deteriorating. Even though no one wants to hear they have a chronic illness, we finally knew what we were dealing with. And that helped bring peace to the situation.
7. Seek Support
Building a support system is vital. Talking with supportive family and close friends can help. You might consider joining a support group or message board where people who have the same condition share experiences and hopes for the future.
I have met so many people who have Lyme disease. We communicate through the blog, Facebook, email and talking on the phone. We share our progress and treatments that have helped and encourage each other.
Can you relate to any of the Psychological Stages Of Chronic Illness And Pain?
Do you have more tips for dealing with chronic pain and illness? Please leave your comments below. I love hearing from you!
If you’d like to learn more about my story you may want to read:
Also, you may like to read about The Spoon Theory in Chronic Illness: What’s A Spoonie Anyway?
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